37 Retirement Gifts for Men To Kiss the Office Goodbye

For the Old Ball and Chain: Under New Management Retirement T-Shirt

Cute and quirky, this t-shirt will be perfect for the married man. It announces his retirement with an “Under New Management” banner that says “See Wife For Details” in the fine print. It’s available in multiple sizes and colors, so you can explore different style options until you find one that’s suitable for his unique wardrobe, and it’s machine washable for maximum convenience.

He won’t have to slave over the laundry even if his taskmaster demands it.

For the Self-Aware Senior: I’m Sorry You’re Old Coffee Mug

Some men aren’t afraid of aging. In fact, they’ll be the first ones to make jokes about gray hairs and grim reapers. If you know someone who’s approaching retirement with the same sense of humor as every other age-related milestone, this coffee cup will be a hoot.

It says “I’m Sorry You’re Old” on the front with “That’s All” in a smaller print on the interior. It’s direct; it’s straightforward; it’s hilarious. Everyone’s going to become a senior citizen eventually, so you might as well embrace it!

Sunburned Nose Not Included: Off the Beaten Path Travel Guide

If he’s anything like most retirees, he plans to do some traveling with his newfound freedom. Wouldn’t it be nice to avoid the usual tourist traps and spend some quality time in fun, little-know destinations? It’s possible with the help of Off the Beaten Path: A Travel Guide to More Than 1000 Scenic and Interesting Places Still Uncrowded and Inviting.

Spanning the entire U.S., it’s filled with hidden gems that visitors of all ages can enjoy, including seniors.

For the Man With Taste: Amerigo Exclusive Whiskey Stones Gift Set

Every man should own a whiskey set, especially if he’s a top-shelf kind of guy. This kit is a great way to get his collection started! Not only does it come with two heavyweight crystal classes, but it also boasts coasters, ice tongs, steel whiskey rocks and a handcrafted wooden box to hold it all.

He can entertain a guest; he can enjoy a glass by the fire after a long day. With a luxurious gift set like this, he’ll have everything that he needs except for the whiskey itself.

To Express Your Thanks One Last Time: Personalized Crystal Doctor Retirement Gift

While it’s marketed towards physicians, there’s no reason why this appreciation plaque has to be limited to healthcare professionals. Its glass design has a universal beauty, and its heartfelt words of gratitude can be applied to any colleague who inspired, supported or challenged you.

It’s also customizable, so you can just omit the “Dr.” part of his name when you order it. If you’re looking for a gorgeous, high-quality gift to express your appreciation towards a retiring mentor figure, this one will say it all.

When He Doesn’t Give a F*ck: Not My Problem Anymore Coffee Mug

One of the best parts of retirement is being able to shove all of your responsibilities on other people. This coffee mug sums it up: “Retired. Not My Problem Anymore.” It’s safe for both the microwave and the dishwasher, so it’ll be easy for him to use in everyday life, and its durable white ceramic will be resistant to chips, nicks, scratches and stains.

He can enjoy a piping hot cup of joe with all of the smugness of the newly retired.

To Customize Your Coors: Congrats on Being a Quitter Beer Bottle Label Stickers and Carrier

With its yellow and white stripes, this is a gift that can’t be missed, and we mean that literally. It’s a total eyesore. It gets even funnier when you’re close enough to read its joke: “Congratulations on Being a Quitter!” It softens the blow with “Happy Retirement” written underneath, but it’s still a hilarious and unexpected sentiment for a six pack of beer, so it’ll be perfect for the retiree who can take a joke.

Tip your bottle to his many years of service and start counting down the minutes until you can get out, too.

Here Be Dragons: Beware of Grumpy Old Man Vintage Metal Sign

Retirement is a great time to build a “man cave” in the garage, and this is the perfect sign for the door. Its grungy, faux-distressed print says “Beware of Grumpy Old Man” with the same kind of warning given to electric fences and killer dogs, so it’ll scare off annoying visitors before they get the chance to destroy the sanctity of the cave.

It even comes with adhesive pads to mount it to the wall or door without the need for power tools. If he yells at kids on his lawn and isn’t ashamed of it, this is the sign for him.

For the Boys in Blue: Retired Police Officer Stainless Steel Thermos

Maybe he’s addicted to coffee. Maybe he secretly loves the juices and fruit-infused waters that his wife always forces on him. Either way, he’ll need something to hold it all, and this thermos is just the tool for the job.

It says “Retired Police Officer: Time To Give It Arrest,” so it’s a funny attention grabber, but it also comes with insulated, stainless steel materials that can withstand a strong officer’s grip. A tough man needs a tough thermos.

Don’t cut corners with an unworthy product when something like this is available.

To Live Like Hugh Hefner: Red Velvet Signature Smoking Jacket Robe

Make him feel like a million bucks with this luxury robe. It’s designed to look like a red smoking jacket, but instead of stiff, stuffy materials, it’s made with a soft velvet that will wrap around his body like a cloud.

A sash will secure it around his waist, and a matching pair of pants will complete the look. It’ll be a much-needed upgrade from the ratty old bathrobe that he’s had for years, so his wife will probably thank you just as much as he does!

A Salute for a Good Man: U.S. Army Retired Not Expired Baseball Cap

Your grandpa will love this one. It’s a sturdy, no-nonsense baseball cap that he can wear to everything from backyard barbecues to school soccer games, but it boasts a little extra flair with its text: “Retired, Not Expired.

” It also bears the insignia of the U.S. Army, but you can order other versions for other branches of the military, too. It’ll be a nice way to acknowledge his service to his country while still allowing him to revel in his retirement.

The Anti-Arthritis Secret: Heated Shiatsu Electric Deep Tissue Massager

Does he struggle with aches and pains? Does he grumble at the thought of a professional massage no matter how much you try to wheedle him on the table? Try bringing the massage to him instead of the other way around.

This hand-held device is so simple and easy to use that he won’t even need the instruction manual, but it offers deep heat and powerful pressure to soothe all kinds of discomfort. He can use it on his neck, shoulders, back, belly and more.

You’ll make a convert out of him yet!

To Say Farewell to His 9-to-5: Official Retirement Papers Toilet Paper

When it’s time to hand in his retirement papers, these are the ones for the job. They’re a bit smaller than your standard 8.5 x 11 printer size, and they come reinforced with no-smudge ink and a three-ply thickness, but that’s okay.

Your gift recipient is sure to love them and use them with enthusiasm. He can think about his old boss every time that he fills out the forms.

For Your Father: Dad, I Want to Hear Your Story Legacy Book

If he’s approaching retirement with a lot of self-reflection about the years gone by, you can channel some of that energy into Dad, I Want to Hear Your Story: A Father’s Guided Journal To Share His Life & His Love.

Part scrapbook, part journal, it will prompt your father to share all kinds of stories from his childhood and beyond, and it’ll serve as a cathartic exercise for him even as he prepares it as a heirloom item for you.

This is definitely a gift that will give back.

When He’s Close Enough to Taste It: 9999 Day Retirement Countdown Clock

If he isn’t quite retired yet, this countdown clock will watch over his desk until the exact minute that he’s freed from his corporate bonds. It can be set as many as 9999 days in advance, so as long as he’s retiring within the next 27 years, he’ll be good to go.

When he finally reaches the retirement milestone, he can simply change the picture in the frame and reset the timer for something else. Maybe he can use it to remind him of his anniversary every year!

Bottoms Up: Like I’m Not Going To Work Tomorrow Funny Beer Mug

While not strictly a retirement gift, this craft beer mug has the right sentiment for the occasion. It says “This Beer Tastes a Lot Like I’m Not Going to Work Tomorrow” in a white print on a glass background, and while the words are a bit transparent when the glass is empty, they’ll become starkly noticeable when it’s filled to the brim with golden goodness.

It can hold 15 ounces in total, so he’ll have plenty of room for his favorite brews, too. Here’s to a happy, boozy retirement!

If He Likes to Catch His Own Dinner: Wooden Gone Fishing Box

Measuring 9.75 x 2.5 inches, this wooden box can be used for many different purposes. Around the house, it can hold coins, keys, wallets and other everyday essentials. While traveling, it’ll be great for flashlights, chargers and rolled-up maps.

You could even use it as a bait-and-tackle box to match its “Gone Fishing” design! If you know a guy who’s always losing track of small items, it’s never too late to get him organized, and this box will be up to the task.

To Prepare Him for His New Life: What You Don’t Know About Retirement Paperback

Designed like a grown-up version of Dr. Seuss, What You Don’t Know About Retirement is a hilarious compilation of jokes and illustrations for the man who’s ready to recline in his La-Z-Boy for the next 20 years.

Every page has a new piece of wisdom or a fun, relatable anecdote. For example: “What’s the best way for a retiree to make sure his memoirs are read? Include lots of clues about hidden money.” He’ll laugh; he’ll take notes; he’ll request more copies of the book for his friends.

When He Gets Addicted to the Food Network: Hot Stuff Two-Pocket Black Chef Apron

Grilling is a time-honored tradition for the retired man, and this apron will give him everything that he needs for sizzling steaks and bursting burgers. Not only does it come with adjustable straps to suit every size and shape, but it even offers pockets for forks, recipes, smartphones, spice bottles and more.

To top it all off, its text says “Hot Stuff Coming Through (And I Don’t Mean the Food).” He’ll look great and cook great food!

For Kicking Up His Feet: Six-Pocket Sofa Armrest Organizer

Do his retirement plans involve long, lazy afternoons on the couch with absolutely nowhere to go and nowhere to be? It already sounds like paradise, but you can make it even better with this armrest organizer.

Just drape it over the couch or chair where he spends most of his time, and he’ll be able to instantly, effortlessly take advantage of its pockets. Whether he’s storing eyeglasses or remote controls, he’ll have it all within arm’s length when he needs it.

A Gift for Both Parents: Living Together After Retirement Paperback

Living Together After Retirement: or, There’s a Spouse in the House is a laugh-out-loud look at a married couple that’s suddenly cohabitating again after decades of separate schedules and routines.

Did he always leave the toilet seat up? Does she really need the TV volume that high? Between its jokes, stories and illustrations, your gift recipient will definitely find something to relate to in this book.

To Keep the Memos Flowing: Congratulations On Leaving Your Job Blank Notebook

Are you looking for a retirement gift for a co-worker? Consider this notebook. With a mix of lined and unlined pages, it can be used for everything from doodling to organizing grocery lists, so it’ll have plenty of value around the house.

It also says “Congratulations On Leaving Your Job Without Being Escorted From The Building” on the front, so it’s sure to get a chuckle at an office farewell party. It’ll be a fun, low-key kind of gift for a colleague that you’re wishing well.

For the Man With Big, Tropical Plans: Multicolored Beach Sand Drink Cup Holders

While not the sexiest gift out there, these cup holders are so nifty that they’re sure to be a hit with a retiree who is dreaming of blue skies and palm trees. They’re made with a portable, stackable plastic, so they’re easy to pack with other beach essentials, and they can be wiggled right into the sand to hold beers, keys, water bottles and more.

He’ll come back from his trip raving about how convenient they were. If you want to give a gift that has a lot of real-world usefulness, this is it!

For the Gloater: Weekly Retirement Schedule Key Chain

Retirement can be exhausting. There are so many birds to watch and beaches to sunbathe on; how is a man supposed to keep up? This key chain might help. It lists the days of the week with an itinerary beside each one, and together, the words spell out “Do Whatever the H*ll I Want to Do.

” That’s it. That’s his schedule. He can carry it with him everywhere, and he can rub it in the faces of his friends who are still slogging through endless meetings and Monday morning conferences.

To Whip Him Into Shape: Exercise Resistance Band for Seniors

One of the only downsides of retirement is that it’s easy to pack on the pounds when you aren’t as active anymore. Have you noticed that his spare tire is starting to inflate? Give him some resistance bands for at-home fitness.

Not only are they easy, flexible tools that can be used for a wide variety of exercises, but they’ve been made specifically for seniors. They have soft materials and an extra-long reach that can accommodate limited mobility.

They’ll be ideal for maintaining his waistline even when he isn’t power-walking to work anymore.

Because Some Cliches Are Worth It: Tranquil Outdoors Large Acrylic Window Bird Feeder

Birdwatching can be a cliche “retirement activity,” but what if he’s genuinely fascinated by cardinals and bluejays? This feeder can attract some new friends to his property. It attaches right to the window, and it’s made with a transparent acrylic material that will allow him to see everything going on inside.

It’s even covered with a half-roof to keep the wind and rain off his feed. Whether he’s a long-time birder or a newly interested hobbyist now that his retirement has opened his schedule, he should enjoy a fun gift like this one!

When He Measures Time Through TV Shows: Day of the Week Mahogany Wall Clock

When you’re retired, you have the luxury of tracking time in days and not hours. Why not have a wall clock that celebrates that? Despite its tongue-in-cheek humor, it’s a real timepiece that can be displayed in homes, offices, boats, campers and more.

It’s available with multiple wood finishes, so you can choose between materials like mahogany and pine, and it’s battery-operated to avoid the need for cords. It’ll be a fun but functional gift for a senior citizen.

To Laugh in the Face of Deadlines: Don’t Give a D*mn Coffee Mug

Another great mug for coffee addicts, this one says “Oh Look, It’s I Don’t Give a D*mn O’Clock” with a picture of a blank timepiece. It doesn’t have to be a gift for retirees, but if he’s done punching a time card for the rest of his life, it’ll be more than fitting.

He can use it for his morning brews or stick it on his desk as a pencil holder. Its dry sarcasm will know no bounds.

To Crown the King: Wearable Retired Sash With Pin

Throw him a retirement party that he’ll never forget with the help of this sash. It says “Retired!” in big, bold letters with colorful prints of ships, waves, beaches and islands. It’s clearly meant to evoke the spirit of the tropical getaway that everyone dreams about taking once they’re done with working life.

Best of all, since it’s made with satin instead of paper or plastic, it won’t disintegrate with a single use. He can take it home and hang it in his room for awhile to rejoice in his retirement.

Create Your Own Keepsake: Retirement Wall Art Poster

At first glance, this poster might seem like any other piece of quirky retirement art. When you look closer, however, you’ll realize that the blank white space around the art print is meant to be decorated.

People at the office can sign it, or friends and relatives can leave doodles, stickers, signatures, stories and other expressions of love. No matter how you choose to embellish it, it’ll become a one-of-a-kind retirement gift with goodwill pouring off the page.

It’s Called Slouch Chic: Retirement Dressed Up T-Shirt

If he’s spent the last 30 – 40 years in a tie, he’s going to adore this one. It’s a soft, comfortable shirt without any special laundering instructions, so it’s nice and convenient for the modern man, but it’s also made with a ringspun jersey knit that’s tougher than the average t-shirt material.

Best of all, it’s printed with the text “I’m Retired, This is As Dressed Up As I Get.” He can wear it anywhere and everywhere as he enjoys the freedom of no longer conforming to a dress code.

To Toast a Great Manager or Supervisor: A Truly Amazing Boss Linen Wine Bag

“A truly amazing boss is hard to find and impossible to forget.” If you know a man who embodies this quote, he might be touched to see it on his retirement gift. He’ll like it even better if you fill the wine bag first! It’s a plain, canvas-style bag with a drawstring cord that will fit any regularly sized bottle, so you don’t even have to buy wine.

You can fill it with beer, rum, vodka, champagne or whatever else will get him drunk the quickest. You could even prank him by filling it with marbles or hard candies instead of liquor!

For Warm Toes and Firm Heels: Do Not Disturb Funny Full-Length Lounge Socks

Another gift that won’t break the bank, these socks can be added to holiday stockings or care packages to give them an extra zing. One says “Do Not Disturb” while the other declares “I’m Retired.” Together, they can be propped up on all kinds of ottomans as the wearer relaxes in an armchair and binge-watches Perry Mason.

The text even doubles as a textured, non-slip surface to provide traction as he shuffles around the house!

To Keep His Mind Sharp: Brain Games Picture Puzzles: Remember When?

“Remember When?” is a fun alternative to puzzles and word searches for senior citizens. It’s basically a collection of “spot the difference” games, but their subjects are all nostalgic in some way. From vintage cars to classic diners and mom-and-pop stores, they’ll take him back to the glory days of his youth, so he’ll get to walk down memory lane and keep his cognitive skills on point.

A New Kind of Networking: Retired Business Cards

Tucked into a sleek gold case, these cards look like any other business cards, but they’ll tell a whole different story when they’re whipped out. They say “Retired: Ask Someone Else” where the name usually goes! They’re also printed with “Not My Problem” and “No Phone, No Email” in place of contact information.

They’re the kind of cards that will get a double-take when their recipient realizes what they’re looking at, especially if the guy hands them over with a completely straight face.

If He Loves a Good Senior Citizen Joke: I May Be Old Novelty T-Shirt

When he’s over the hill and through the woods, this t-shirt is sure to make him laugh. It says “I May Be Old, But I… What Was I Saying?” with true-to-life humor that he’s probably experienced a dozen times before.

If retirement is just the next cog in his life as a fun old guy, this is a wardrobe choice that will announce it to the world!

When There’s Just Something in His Eye: Personalized Wood Engraved Retirement Gift

Last but certainly not least, this hand-carved wooden plaque will be a wonderful retirement gift for a man who isn’t afraid of sentiment. It’s fully customizable with the name and retirement year of the recipient as well as the total number of years, days and hours of his working life.

It expresses appreciation for his hard work; it acknowledges his skills and reflects on all of the memories that he’s made. It doesn’t get more sincere than this.