Nothing will send you back to third grade faster than questioning your relationship status. Does he like you? Is she your girlfriend?
How are you supposed to define that fuzzy, not-quite-official thing that you’ve got going on, and how are you supposed to buy a gift for it? Here are just a few suggestions.
41 Gifts for an Unofficial Relationship That Won’t Weird Them Out
To Get a Little Frisky: Sexy Role-Playing Dice
There’s no shortage of sexy games out there, but many of them are marketed towards couples, so it might get awkward if you whip out something that implies more than you meant to imply. Thankfully, these dice aren’t like that.
There are no assumptions; there are no mine fields to navigate. You just toss them and follow the instructions, which will result in much hilarity with options like “kiss” and “blow” on one cube and “ears,” “thighs” and “navel” on the other.
A Post-Modern Expression of Love: You’re My Favorite A**hole Key Chain
Perfect as a casual, non-committal gift, this key chain will express your affection without being overly maudlin. It says “You’re My Favorite A**hole,” so it won’t make them cringe with a “flowers and hearts” sentiment, but it’s still letting them know that you care about them and consider them more than just an acquaintance.
It’ll be especially amusing for people with an a**hole sense of humor!
To Get His Heart Pumping: Epic Adventure Tours From Cloud9Living
Anyone can take a flying lesson, but it’s another class of man that climbs into the front seat of a vintage 1941 biplane.
With Cloud9Living, you can treat him to all kinds of awesome, edge-of-your seat thrills, including piloting, sailing, skydiving, white-water rafting and race car driving. Some of the experiences are everyday bucket list items like scuba diving or going on a hot air balloon ride, but others are tailored to specific interests. If he’s a history buff who would love World War II planes or a surfer who would kill to ride some extreme waves, see what Cloud9Living has to offer.
So That They Won’t Have an Excuse to Ignore Your Texts: Winter Knit Touchscreen Texting Gloves
Available in multiple colors, these soft, wool-lined gloves will fit into anyone’s winter wardrobe. They’re gender-neutral, so you can buy them for girlfriends and boyfriends alike, and they’re designed with “touchscreen fingers” that will enable the wearer to use electronic devices without taking the gloves off.
In other words, they’re very functional, but they’re a bit flirty as well.
When the Lights Are Down Low: 10-Pack Wine Bottle Lights With Cork
Turn any home bar into a glitzy nightclub with these LED wine bottle lights. They gleam in dozens of eye-popping colors from thin, silver-coated wires, and their flexibility allows them to be shaped and displayed at will.
They’ll be a fun, gender-neutral gift for party animals of all types, so if your beau one likes to have a good time, turn up the brightness at their next event.
To Channel Your Inner Picasso: Champagne and Strawberries Edible Body Paint
You don’t need a ring on your finger to appreciate edible body paint. Not only is it flavored like champagne and strawberries for a sinfully tasty time, but it even comes in an oriental jar with a felt-tipped brush for easy application.
Swirl it around; draw hearts and flowers; write love poems on your skin. For a really good time, try all of the positions in the Kama Sutra!
For Your Bae-Ritto: Giant Flour Tortilla Throw Blanket
The funniest gag gifts are the ones that they can’t help but use, and despite the fact that this throw blanket looks like something from Taco Bell’s rejection pile, it’s so warm and soft that they won’t be able to resist.
You might even get some cuddle time on the couch during move night, and you won’t have pressured them at all. The blanket is just too snuggly. It will call to them.
To Brighten Up Their Cubicle: Lazy Sloth Coffee Mug
Coffee mugs are a rare gift that can suit any person on any occasion. No matter what kind of relationship that you have, you can find a coffee mug that will speak to them. This particular model has a ceramic sloth hanging over the side with the text, “Today, I Will Do Absolutely Nothing.
” It’ll be cute, quirky and completely inoffensive for any gift recipient.
For ’90s Kids: Skee-Ball: Tabletop Classic Arcade Game
If they’re old enough to remember watching Hey Arnold as they sat around in their grungy flannel drinking Go-Gurts, this is the gift for them. It’s a tabletop replica of a real Skee-Ball game, so it’ll send them straight down memory lane as they try to roll wooden balls into plastic rings.
Even if the magic 50 ring eludes them, you’ll definitely be cemented as the coolest non-girlfriend or non-boyfriend that they’ve ever had.
To Stealthily Encourage More Dates: Picnic Basket Set
Relive your favorite romantic movies with a picnic lunch on a green, grassy hill. If you buy this picnic set, everything that you need will already be in the basket! There’s a foil-covered cooler compartment to keep everything fresh, and plates and utensils are carefully strapped to the interior lid.
There’s even a rolled-up blanket for spreading on the ground! You don’t have to worry about being too obvious, either, since the set is meant for four people. It isn’t an over-the-top couple’s gift.
When the Sweatpants Just Aren’t Cutting It Anymore: Men’s Satin Robe With Shorts
Nothing can kill a relationship like spending the first night at his house and realizing that he sleeps in holey underwear. The good news is that you don’t have to cuddle with Swiss cheese when you upgrade his wardrobe.
This satin loungewear set includes boxers and a light, flowing robe, and it’s decorated with white tigers on a red background. It’ll offer both style and substance for a man who needs a better closet.
Straight Outta Care Bear Village: “Shawty U Fine” Teddy Bear
If you want to express a little affection but aren’t sure how it’s going to be received, this stuffed animal might do the trick. He’s a bog-standard teddy bear holding a red heart, but instead of saying something cheesy like “I Love You,” he’s saying “Shawty U Fine As S**t Tho.
” Not only will he make the other person laugh, but he’ll let you show some care and desire without coming on too strong.
For Some Raunchy Rotisserie: Fifty Shades of Chicken Cookbook
If she sighs dreamily at the soulful brown eyes of Christian Grey, maybe she’ll appreciate the crispy brown skin of a well-done chicken wing, too. With Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook, she’ll learn how to make everything from “Dripping Thighs” to “Mustard-Spanked Breasts,” and each recipe is accompanied by hilariously risque photographs of trussed-up chickens.
Mr. Cluck will see you now.
To Seek Inner Peace: Buddha Board
Who needs a zen garden when you could have a Buddha board? This self-standing easel will let your loved one create beautiful, ephemeral art with nothing more than a bamboo brush and a cup of water. Their creations will fade as soon as the water evaporates, but that’s the whole point.
They can renew their spiritual energy by learning to let go, and they can appreciate a reusable art station with zero clean-up required. You’ll definitely get laid after giving this gift!
Netflix and Chill: Retro Style Plastic Popcorn Buckets
Perfect for movie nights on the couch, these vintage popcorn buckets look like something out of an old-fashioned film. Unlike the disposable ones from theaters, however, these buckets are washable and reusable, so they’ll keep you supplied with the good stuff throughout your entire Hitchcock marathon.
Gift them to your boo and encourage lots of snuggling and sharing!
When You Just Want to Kill Them: You Have Been Poisoned Silverware Spoon
This is a gift with many possibilities. It’s a plain silver spoon, but on the hollow part of the bowl, it’s engraved with the text “You Have Been Poisoned” with a skull and crossbones beneath it. You can serve tea with the spoon already submerged; you can give it to them as a deterrent against thieving roommates or co-workers.
There are many paths for this spoon to take!
Positivity For Negative People: “You’re Awesome” Floral Coffee Mug
Does she cringe when you give her flowers? Does he wrinkle his nose at your sweet little love notes? This is a gift for people who hate gifts. It says “You’re Awesome, Keep That S*** Up” with curly text surrounded by pink and yellow flowers, so it’s basically a riff on all of those hip, trendy products that couples are supposed to love.
It’s the anti-gift. It’s something that you give to someone with no expectations whatsoever.
For the Ambiguous Anniversary: “Still Like Each Other” Funny Anniversary Card
A year has passed, but you still aren’t sure where you stand in terms of relationship status. This is the anniversary card for you. It says “Yay, We Still Like Each Other!” with stick figures high-fiving, and that’s it.
There are no declarations of love or questions of intent; there’s nothing silly, sappy or saccharine. It simply acknowledges the passage of time without putting any pressure on your maybe-sorta-kinda partner.
Because Everyone Can Appreciate a Home-Cooked Bath: Roast Beef Sandwich Bath Soak
Is he always complaining about your girly bath products? Give him a manly man’s gift with this scented soak that smells like a roast beef sandwich. It combines brown sugar and fig for a surprisingly pleasant fragrance, and it’ll seep into his tired muscles for a relaxing, refreshing effect.
If all goes well, he might start allowing you to leave girly stuff at his place!
For the Girl Who Has Everything: Four-Pack Women’s Boho Floal Style Headbands
It’s hard to go wrong with headbands. If she’s the fashionable type, she can take their chic, colorful patterns and incorporate them into a stylish wardrobe; if she’s more of a hoodie-and-jeans kind of girl, she can just use them to keep the hair out of her eyes as she washes her face or removes her makeup.
Are you a hapless guy wondering what to buy a quasi-girlfriend that you haven’t known very long? Go with some headbands.
To Save Yourself From Stubbed Toes: Rechargeable Toilet Bowl Night Light
You can laugh this off as a gag gift, but truth be told, you’ll be glad to have it when you’re stumbling around in a house that you don’t know well. It’s a basic toilet bowl light that will emit a soft glow in a dark bathroom, so you can do your business at 3AM without waking anyone up or getting lost in an unfamiliar setting.
It’s ideal for new or ambiguous relationships when you aren’t totally comfortable in their home yet.
To Poke Fun at Their Sweet Tooth: World’s Largest Gummy Worm
Measuring almost two feet long, this gummy worm lives up to its title as the “world’s largest.” It weighs 2.5 pounds with a ribbed, gelatinous body that tastes like blue raspberry. For a more romantic gift, you can also buy a gigantic gummy bear from the same company, but that might be a little much for an unofficial relationship.
It might be wiser to buy a worm that you can write off as a novelty gift. Just make sure that you warn them about the 4,000 calorie count!
To Light Up Their Life: LED Cherry Blossom Bonsai Tree
Cherry blossoms are one of the most romantic motifs for young lovers, but they represent a commitment that might scare off “unofficial” girlfriends, and their lives are exceedingly brief to boot. With this bonsai tree, however, she can enjoy cherry blossoms every day of the year, and you won’t weird her out with a gift of real flowers.
The branches are wires; the blossoms are tiny LED lights. It’ll be a sweet, dreamy kind of gift without crossing any overly romantic lines.
For the Meme Lord: Florida Man the Epic Adult Coloring Book
“Florida Man” has become the biggest joke of the Internet for all of his crazy headlines. With Florida Man the Epic Adult Coloring Book: Outrageous Tales of Misadventure and Mayhem, you can celebrate these stories with goofy, full-page illustrations to accompany them.
If you know someone who’s tired of shading flowers, animals and mandalas, it’s time to upgrade their adult coloring books.
To Keep You On Their Mind: I Think You’re Cute Notebook
Fun and flirty, this gift will demonstrate your interest in them without being overbearing. It’s hard to take offense to a sentiment like “I think you’re cute,” especially when it’s printed on a no-fuss, no-frills notebook.
They can use it for writing, drawing, doodling, organizing, journaling or list making. There are more than 100 pages just waiting for the touch of a pen.
When You Want to Know All of Their Secrets: Reveal or Conceal: The Game
If you’ve been wondering when and how to take your relationship to the next level, you might enjoy Reveal or Conceal: The Game. It’s basically a series of cards with fun, silly and thought-provoking questions on them, and you can choose whether to answer or not depending on how badly that you want points in that round.
You can play the game with your sweetheart to get to know them better, or you can suggest it as a party game with all of your friends for less pressure. It’s up to you!
To Send a Nice, Polite Message: F**k Off Morse Code Bracelet
Jewelry can be an iffy gift, especially if you aren’t sure where you stand with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but this bracelet will be the exception. It’s made with small silver beads on a black silk cord, and they’re arranged in the Morse code for “F**k Off.
” They’ll be a delightful present to someone who doesn’t have time for idiots, and what’s more, their true meaning will be a nice little secret between you and your loved one.
When You’re Feeling Risque: Natrogix Bliss Essential Oils
Everyone likes a massage, even people who are part of fuzzy, ill-defined relationships. Fortunately, this essential oil kit has everything that you’ll need for a smooth glide. It comes with nine different jars of the most soothing fragrances on the planet, including lavender, rosemary, lemongrass, eucalyptus and sweet orange.
You can use them topically or put them in a bath or diffuser for an aromatherapy treatment. The possibilities are endless!
To Ignite Your Relationship: DIY Hot Sauce Making Kit
Do they love to set their senses on fire? Do you refuse to kiss them until they’ve scrubbed the taste of jalapenos from their teeth? Consider relaxing your standards for just one birthday with this DIY hot sauce kit.
It contains everything that they’ll need to make hot sauce from scratch, including bottles, labels, gloves, funnels and a variety of red-hot ingredients such as arbol peppers and curry chili powders. They’ll have a blast as they play the mad scientist and concoct the world’s most sizzling flavors!
When They Don’t Want to Grow Up: Adulting Achievements Funny Reward Stickers
Are they desperately clinging to the last vestiges of childhood? Are you patiently waiting for them to join you in grown-up land? Consider giving them some “adulting achievements” stickers. They celebrate milestones like “I Paid My Bills Today” and “All My Laundry Is Folded,” so they’re perfect for people who just need a little push to be responsible.
Who knows? Once they have that laundry situation sorted, they might be ready to talk about your relationship.
For the Best-Laid Plans: That’s a Horrible Idea T-Shirt
“That’s a Horrible Idea. What Time?” If you know someone who lives and breathes this attitude, they should appreciate a t-shirt about it. It’ll be a funny, no-pressure gift, but it’ll also show that you understand their philosophy and are willing to embrace it.
You might even get an adventurous date night out of it, so in a way, it’ll be a gift that gives back!
To Show Some Commitment: Paint and Plant Flower Growing Kit
Will you still be around when the zinnias bloom? Will your relationship survive the full life cycle of marigolds? Give them a flower-growing kit and find out. They’ll enjoy planting the seeds and painting the little garden stakes to decorate the box, and you’ll enjoy each new day that you spend together as the flowers thrive.
For Travelers With a Sense of Humor: Corgi Butt Neck Support Pillow
Is there anything cuter than a corgi butt? Whether they’re a dog lover or just a fan of kawaii culture, they’re sure to enjoy this soft, extra-padded neck pillow. It might be shaped like the rear end of a corgi, but it’s made with the fuzziest materials around, and it has the perfect dimensions for sleeping, resting and reclining.
They can curl up with the corgi at home; they can catch some shut-eye on a bus or plane. The possibilities are endless with a butt this cute.
When She Likes to Work Out: As Nice As My Butt Women’s Funny Workout Tank
Do you have to share her with the treadmill and the stationary bike? Or maybe you both met at a CrossFit class. Either way, if she likes to spend time at the gym, she should appreciate this tank top. It says “I Hope Your Day Is As Nice as My Butt” in sassy colors on a bright, bold tee, and it’ll be perfect for her daily workout.
It’ll show your appreciation for her figure, too.
To Troll the S**t Out of Them: Message in a Bottle Capsule Letters
This is the gift that you don’t want to give someone in an unofficial relationship: a glass jar filled with cutesy love notes. When they pull it out of the box, their face will be filled with horror.
That’s when you can start laughing. The little love notes are blank, so you can write anything that you want on them, including insults, dad jokes, chore reminders or fortune cookie quotes. The choice is yours.
The prank possibilities are endless.
For a Cupcake Without the Calories: Happy Birthday Buttercream Vanilla Cupcake Candle
Even if you aren’t able to throw them a birthday party, you can still treat them to the mouthwatering aroma of a buttercream vanilla cupcake. This candle will transport them straight into a warm, sweet-smelling bakery, and it’ll burn for days before it runs out.
Everything’s organic, so there are no artificial chemicals to worry about. For the icing on the cake, it even says “Happy Birthday” on the glass of the candle holder!
For the Well-Endowed Gentleman: How to Live With a Huge Penis
It’s not the size of the boat. It’s the motion of a cruise liner as it tries to enter a small and wary dock. If this is a familiar problem to you and your boyfriend, consider giving him How to Live With a Huge Penis: Advice, Meditations and Wisdom for Men Who Have Too Much.
It’ll make him laugh like crazy even as he surreptitiously checks its pages. Maybe he’ll “accidentally” leave it out for his guests to see, to.
To Stay Connected: Thumbs-Up Cell Phone Stand Holder
If you like to FaceTime each other late into the night, this is a gift that you’ll both enjoy. It’s a flexible, silicone-based cellphone holder that will keep their phone in an upright position on any flat surface, so they can use it on beds, tables, dressers, desks and kitchen countertops.
They can look up recipes while cooking; they can stream videos while working, studying or just lounging around. For added fun, the cellphone grips are shaped like a pair of hands giving thumbs-up signals!
For the Most Important Meal of the Day: Don’t Go Bacon My Heart Coffee Mug Set
This is a sneaky way to give someone a couple’s gift. It’s a two-mug set with complementary quotes, so it’s clearly meant to be shared, but it won’t scare off the other person since it’s so goofy. The prints are cartoon pictures of bacon and eggs with the text “Don’t Go Bacon My Heart” and “I Couldn’t If I Fried.
” No one will get frightened by something so silly.
To Catch Them and Keep Them: Oh, Snap! Mousetrap Cutting and Serving Board
You don’t have to be a foodie to appreciate this cutting and serving board. It’s designed like an old-fashioned mousetrap with “ACME” printed right there on the wood, so it’ll be a great conversation starter at parties, brunches, book clubs and other social occasions.
You don’t have to worry about slicing off a finger, however; the steel trap is just for show. Your gift recipient should love it!
Because You Can Never Be Too Careful: Tactical Pen for Self-Defense
You’ve seen tactical vests, but have you ever borne witness to a tactical ballpoint pen? Not only is it a writing tool, but it also comes with buttons and attachments for breaking windows, opening bottles, shining lights and fending off attackers.
It can be a self-defense tool for women who walk alone at night; it can be a wilderness survival tool for guys who like to go hunting or camping. It’ll be an amazing and gender-neutral gift for recipients of all types.
For the Girl Who Likes to Instagram: Six-Pack Confetti Soap
Confetti soap is one of those fun, unique gifts that she won’t stop talking about. It looks just like real confetti, but when the paper flakes make contact with wet hands, they create a soapy lather. Since they’re packed into tubes, they’re also highly portable and easy to slip into a purse or handbag.
If you really want to “wow” her on her birthday, give her something that she’ll instantly photograph and post to social media!
Birthday Gift Ideas for an Unofficial Relationship: Do’s and Don’ts
If you can’t even define your relationship, how are you supposed to buy gifts for it? The answer is “carefully.” You’ll need to be extra cautious when shopping for gifts that have so much potential to backfire, so here are just a few suggestions for getting it right.
Decide on the Gift’s Tone
Are you going for a funny gag gift that openly acknowledges the dubious nature of your relationship? Do you prefer something neutral that doesn’t make any insinuations? No gift can do both, so figure out which direction you’d like to go in and run with it.
Emphasize the Birthday Aspect
It’s a birthday. It isn’t an anniversary or couple’s holiday. Even if you’re going the “sweet and thoughtful” route, this isn’t the occasion to get mushy, especially if you aren’t sure that the mushiness would be welcome in the first place. Birthdays are nice, neutral events, so make sure that your gift has the same energy.
Don’t Test Them
Gifts are a time-honored way to test the waters of a relationship, so you can’t be faulted for thinking about it. However, a birthday isn’t the right time. Imagine how you’d feel if your partner hijacked your special day to probe at your thoughts and feelings. They might not be your partner for long after a stunt like that!
Avoid the L-Word
Nothing on the gift should have the word “love.” Even if it’s meant jokingly, your gift recipient might take it literally, and that can lead to the very awkwardness that you’re trying to avoid. Steer clear of the L-word. Treat it like patient zero during a viral plague. Hiss at its appearance and make the sign of the cross to ward it off.
Don’t agonize so much over your gift that you forget to have fun with it! It’s a present. It’s a special occasion. It should be enjoyable for you to buy it, and it should be enjoyable for the other person to open it. Keep that spirit alive if you want the person you love to have a really good birthday.
These are just a few birthday gifts for an unofficial relationship. Whether you’ve been dating for two weeks or two years, you’ll want to knock their socks off with a great present, right? Let us know what you think about our suggestions!