Passive aggressive gifts are like beautiful unicorns that need to be nurtured before they’re ready to be unleashed into the world.
If you’re ready to ride, however, this list is my selection of passive-aggressive presents that will gore your friends, relatives and co-workers quite nicely!
37 Passive-Aggressive Gifts To Cause Amazing Feuds
For the Roommate Who Never Cleans: Washable Dust Mop Slippers
If your roommate curdles like a slug under salt whenever you mention chores, this gift can send a much-needed message. They’re flexible slippers made out of chenille fibers that will pick up dirt, dust, hair, fur and other gross things as your roomie shuffles around your living space.
They require zero effort to wear. You can even throw them into the washing machine when you’re done. Beg your roommate to wear these slippers.
To Your Beloved Spouse: Things You Do That Really Piss Me Off! Note Pad
With dozens of annoying behaviors to choose from, this notepad packs a lot of passive aggression into its 6 x 9 sheets. You can checkmark all kinds of frustrating conduct, including “snore,” “roll your eyes,” “use that tone” and “tell me the ending.
” There are also some surprisingly deep options like “put me on a pedestal” and “side with my family.” It’s a gift that can inspire laughs, tears and maybe even some self-reflection, so you could definitely do worse under the tree.
This recipe book is perfect for bakers who would like to give certain people a whack with their rolling pins. It offers genuinely tasty treat ideas, but they have rant-worthy names like Go Fudge Yourself and Donut Call Me Again, and they’re supplemented with jokes, pictures, stories and life advice about overcoming struggles.
Sweet Revenge will make a fun and thoughtful gift for a person that you actually care about, and if you’re lucky, you might get some cakes or cookies for your trouble.
Commute Like a Boss: You Parked Like an Idiot Business Cards
If your buddy is the passive-aggressive one, they might enjoy having their own stack of “you parked like an idiot” business cards. Each red-and-yellow notice is printed on durable cardstock that can be slipped underneath windshield wipers or tossed on the driver’s seat.
There’s a free space for specific complaints, or they can just tick off one of the boxes for “taking more than one spot” or “parking too close to another car.” Commuting might not be so bad if they can burn off a little frustration here and there.
For the Hostess Who’s Had Enough: “Don’t Be Passive-Aggressive” Tea Towel
Pretty and dainty, these tea towels are perfectly suited for brunches, garden parties and any other occasion that calls for fancy hats. When you look a little closer, however, you’ll see a pointed message in the curling white font: “Don’t be passive-aggressive.
.. like SOME people.” If you’re living a high society life with ladies who would gladly push you in the mud just to keep their own clothes clean, wipe up your messes with a tea towel like this.
For the Chronically Late: Whatever Wall Clock
If you could build a city in all of the time that you’ve wasted on a tardy friend, the whatever wall clock is a funny but pointed way to call them out. Its numbers have all collapsed in defeat at the bottom of its face, and the word “whatever” is front and center.
Despite its appearance, however, it’s still a functional clock with working hands! Your friend will just have to pay attention for once if they want the time.
Make a Decision, Dave: Natico Decision Maker and Paper Weight
If your friend is the type to spend more time arguing about movie options than actually watching a movie, this decision-making tool can cut through a lot of the drama. Just spin the wheel and let fate decide if it lands on “yes,” “no,” “tomorrow” or “sit on it.
” There’s also a space for “pass the buck” if your friend is allergic to responsibility in any form. Good times!
A Subtle Gift: Tic Tac Spender Box With 60 Mini Boxes
In a perfect world, everyone would have fresh breath. In the real world, the noxious fumes of your co-worker’s curry lunch are constantly wafting out of his mouth and over your cubicle walls. Send him a soft, subtle hint with this gigantic box of Tic Tacs that are filled to the brim with dozens of mini-boxes of even more Tic Tacs.
Return to Sender: Pencils for the Passive-Aggressive
Perfect for school and office settings, these pencils look completely normal on first glance, but they’re actually engraved with different passive aggressive sayings. “That’s so nice for you” can help with boring people and their long, rambling stories to nowhere.
“Never mind, it wasn’t that important anyway” can be angrily chewed on when your co-workers are ignoring you. They’re great gifts for people who hate people.
A Gift That Keeps on Giving: Have a Nice Day Funny Coffee Mug
From the front, this looks like a completely normal coffee mug with “have a nice day” printed on it. Once you raise it to your lips, however, you’ll see a fat middle finger printed on the bottom. Do you want to send a subliminal message to someone you hate? Do you want to help a friend express their own displeasure for the morons around them? This is a gift that can bring joy on multiple levels.
Whip Your Guests Into Shape: “Wash Your Hands, Dummy” All Natural Soap
Made with lavender, vanilla and ylang ylang oils, this liquid soap combines relaxing scents with eco-friendly ingredients to form a wonderfully therapeutic bath product. It’s just the message on the front of the bottle that will bring its users crashing back to reality: “Wash your hands, dummy.
” Perfect for both home and office bathrooms, it’s an all-natural, all-purpose gift for anyone who tired of getting a cold because other people won’t wash off their germs.
The Perfect Mind Game: Eminence Organics Neroli Age Corrective Hydrating Mist
The best passive-aggressive gifts are ones where the recipient can’t tell if you meant to be sincere or not, so this “age corrective” hydrating mist will send them into an absolute tizzy. Do you think they’re old? Do they look old? Do they need an anti-aging beauty product? Were you giving them a gag gift, or were you serious about helping them with age marks? You’ll drive them up the wall without even breaking a sweat.
For the Penny Pincher: Farting Butt-Shaped Piggy Bank
If you’ve ever complained about your loved one being a tight a**, you might enjoy this piggy bank that’s quite literally shaped like one. It will even fart when you deposit a coin into the slot! It’s the kind of gag gift that’s funny because it hits so close to home.
If you know someone who is constantly stressing over their budget, give them a little levity with a well-meaning butt present.
Call Out the Suck-Up: Best Brown Noser Ever Novelty Mug
Everyone has that one colleague or classmate who fawns over authority figures like they’re parting the Red Sea whenever they walk into a room. You can poke fun at them with this “best brown noser ever” coffee mug.
It’s made with a solid, durable ceramic that can withstand even the worst of break room microwaves, and its message is printed with non-fade ink that can be washed and scrubbed without worry. It’s a mug that will last just as long as the brown smudges on your co-worker’s nose.
For Avoiding Confrontation: Knock Knock Passive-Aggressive Note Pad
Perfect for roommates, siblings, colleagues and anyone else who just gets on your nerves, this passive-aggressive note pad will let you complain about their behavior without actually talking to them. You can checkmark a number of requests for “keeping it down,” “cleaning up after yourself” and “respecting other people’s stuff.
” You can also poke fun at the situation by threatening action in the form of “sulk,” “retaliate,” “call the cops” and “actually confront you.”
For the Girl Who Can’t Get a Date: Grow a Boyfriend Figure
Made with a spongy material that soaks up water, this two-inch “grow a boyfriend” figure can more than quadruple his size after a soak. He’s perfect for the lonely spinster in your life who is always complaining about dying alone and being eaten by cats.
Just beware that this little guy doesn’t come with a job, degree, money, prospects or pants, so he might not be Mr. Right. He’s also available in female form!
For the messy eater: Manual Handheld Crumb Cleaner
This versatile gift has many uses for many types of people. If you’re sharing a desk with a messy eater, you can nudge them into more sanitary habits. If your spouse likes to eat in bed, you can take away their excuse for not cleaning up before turning off the light.
You can also give this crumb cleaner to parents, teachers, students, office workers and cooking enthusiasts of all kinds.
Make a Point: Lack Of Planning Novelty Mug
Is there a person in your life who always demands that you drop everything when they come to you with a problem? Sit them down with a mug of coffee and a message: “A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
” It’s pithy and to the point, but it’s also printed with a curly, colorful font and a rainbow, so it’s just passive-aggressive enough to make them laugh instead of getting offended. As a bonus, you can whip out the mug whenever they come rushing to you with their next drama.
Correct This: Grammar Police Seal Pendant Necklace
There’s something uniquely aggravating about people who correct your grammar. Whether they’re a teacher with a red pen or a co-worker who insists on “double-checking” your work, they just bring a particular itch under your skin.
The good news is that you can get a little revenge with a passive-aggressive present from the Federal Bureau of Grammar Police. Drop the badge around their neck and make them own it.
Let Off Some Steam: Cute Squishy Voodoo Doll
It might be hard to stick a pin in this adorable voodoo doll. In fact, it’s made with a flexible material that’s more conductive to squeezable stress relief than sharp objects. The meaning of the gift is the same, however: to help the recipient deal with all of the annoying people in their life.
You’ll just have to hope that the voodoo isn’t used on you!
Bathroom Hoggers Beware: Toilet Golf Potty Time Putter Game
Do you have gray hair by the time that your spouse gets out of the bathroom in the morning? This gift won’t help, but it will be a lot of fun. It’s a simple putt-putt golf game that you can set up in front of the toilet, and it comes with a ball, club, flag hole and green putting mat already in the box.
Your spouse can work on improving their swing while they hog the bathroom.
To Teach an Important Life Lesson: How Not to Be a D***: An Everyday Etiquette Guide
This is a no-holds-barred gift for someone who likes to steal lunches, interrupt movies, cut in line or kick the back of your seat during long car trips. It’s more “aggressive” than “passive,” but it will get your point across, and you can always laugh and ask to borrow it to accept responsibility for your own d***ishness.
When you’re fed up, however, you’re fed up, and this gift makes it clear.
The Spoiled Girl’s Lament: Violin Music Instrument Miniature Replica
If you know someone who is permanently stuck to a stretcher in a whaaaaambulance, this miniature violin is the perfect way to play a mournful symphony for their struggles. It’s actually quite beautiful; it’s full of tiny, hand-painted details and customized pieces that are scaled to size, and it comes tidily tucked into a real carrying case.
That’s exactly why it’s hilarious. It would be a gorgeous gift for someone who could appreciate it.
A Coffee Table Book: Passive Aggressive Notes: Painfully Polite Writings
If you like your hostility with a sweet coating of sugar, this is the book for you. It offers pictures of fed-up, passive-aggressive notes from all around the world, and they’ll make you shriek with laughter even as you cringe at some of the scenarios that inspired them.
One of the best is right on the cover: “Dear milk thief… that was breast milk!”
Pretty Kitty With Sharp Claws: Go Away Cat Non-Slip Mat
The infamous “go away cat” has been featured on all kinds of mugs, socks, shirts, pillows, mouse pads, shower curtains and hanging wall tapestries, but the doormat is the one that started it all. It depicts a cat with its middle fingers raised while it smirks at you to go away.
If you know someone who could use a mat that warns away visitors, they might appreciate this one just enough to let you inside for a bit.
For the Drama Queen: “May The Bridges I Burn Light The Way” Quote Art
Some people just can’t help themselves. They’re constantly involved in drama of their own making. This gift is for them: It’s a sophisticated piece of wall art that says “may the bridges I burn light the way.
” It’s such a classy, faux-inspirational present that they won’t be able to tell if you’re insulting them or praising them.
An Inception-Style Insult: “Screw You” Pun T-Shirt
This is a funny t-shirt with a picture of a curved screw that forms a “U” shape. Get it? Your friend will, and they’ll probably think that you’re giving them a jokey gag gift to deal with all of the idiots in their life.
What they won’t realize is that you’re delivering your own “screw you” right there in the box, and you’re making them thank you for it, too. This is a gift with levels.
Move Over, Fido: Wet Dog Scented Candle
Scented candles are a classic holiday gift, but there’s something special about this one. It has a “wet dog” odor! It’s actually a single bad-smelling disc that can be removed from the normal-smelling candle underneath, but if your gift recipient is the kind of person who never washes their clothes after rolling around in eau de Spot, this could let them know that not everyone appreciates the same furry fragrances.
For the Anal Retentive: Don’t F*** Up My Table Ceramic Coaster Set
Does your friend care more about their cherry wood coffee table than their own children? Do you get an instant headache at the millionth repetition of “use a coaster!” whenever you’re visiting their home? This is the gift for you.
It’s a fully functional coaster set made with quick-drying, non-absorbent ceramic, so it’ll protect furniture as it’s meant to, but it’s also emboldened with a clear message: “Don’t f*** up my table.”
Create an Enemy: Joker Happy Birthday Prank Card
Nothing says “I love you” like a gift that will make them tear out their hair. This musical card will play incessantly for three hours after it’s opened, and pressing its button will only make it louder.
If the recipient gets frustrated and tries to tear it apart, a glitter bomb will explode in their face. There’s also a holiday version with a meowing cat for other gift-giving occasions!
For the Kid Who Refuses to Grow Up: Adult Achievement Stickers
These tongue-in-cheek stickers strike the perfect balance between funny and mean. They can be used to genuinely support your slacker friends as they learn to balance their budget and do their own laundry, but they’re also pointed enough to send a message.
They’re the kind of gift that your buddy will awkwardly laugh at but repeatedly think about in the days to come.
For Java Junkies With Attitude: “I Don’t Care” Sarcastic Coffee Mug
Maybe your friend is the passive-aggressive one. Maybe they just love their coffee and can’t be considered a real human being until the caffeine has hit their system. Either way, they’re sure to get a kick out of this sarcastic coffee mug.
It’s plain white ceramic with a bold message in black: “I’m sorry. It’s just that I literally don’t care at all.” You can’t get more straightforward than that.
A Throwback to Simpler Times: Typewriter Inspired Retro Mechanical Keyboard
This is a put-up-or-shut-up gift for that person who always complains about newfangled technology. If they want to turn back the clock so badly, force them to use a typewriter keyboard instead of a standard keyboard.
It can hook right up to their laptop or smartphone, so they won’t have any excuses for not using it. See how long they can peck away before they give up and admit that modern gadgets aren’t so bad.
For Those Monday Morning Meetings: “Continue Meetings” Funny Notebook for the Office
The great thing about this notebook is that it can be given to bad bosses and beleaguered employees. It says “we will continue communication and meetings until we find out why no work is getting done,” and that’s the kind of universal office sentiment that hits home for everyone.
It’s also a pretty nifty notebook; it comes with 110 lined pages for writing, doodling and making lists of all of the things that you could be doing instead of sitting in another meeting.
If You Have to Ask: Thought Bubble Askhole Magnet
“Askhole: a person who constantly asks for your advice yet always does the opposite.” Most people know someone like this, but it’s a rare opportunity to say it to their face with a magnet. It can be displayed on cars, cubicles, desks, laptops and anything else with a solid surface.
Best of all, the recipient will probably think that it’s a scathing commentary about others rather than a warning about themselves!
A Cup for the Clumsy: Adult Flow Control Spill-Resistant Sippy Cup
If you twitch a little every time that your brother’s beard drips coffee on his shirt, consider giving him an adult sippy cup. It’s actually quite functional with its lid, handle and straw, and it’s used by everyone from senior citizens to busy commuters who don’t want to take their eyes off the road.
It just serves as a great passive-aggressive gift for messy drinkers as well.
To Unclench: Yes, I’m Offended Bath Soak
After a long, hard day of being offended by everything, it’s quite relaxing to take a bubble bath. These fragrant purple salts will dissolve in water and soothe even the most strident of the PC police.
They won’t solve the world’s problems, but they can fix a sore muscle or two, and your friend will be able to resume their social politicking with renewed strength and vigor. Yay?
3 Tips for Buying a Mean Passive-Aggressive Present
It’s actually harder than it looks to buy a passive-aggressive present. There’s an art to it. If you want to become a master, here are just a few tips and tricks for making someone seethe as they thank you for the gift.
1. Keep It Subtle, not Insulting
As tempting as it might be to give or send a blatantly mean, insulting or disrespectful gift to your mother in law or your family members, you won’t get as much satisfaction from it. The whole point of a passive-aggressive present is that your recipient can’t call you on it without looking like they’re being the unreasonable one. Stay covert and Give them something that’s just ambiguous enough to grant you plausible deniability.
2. Make It Specific
If you’ve never complained about your roommate’s bathroom habits before, giving them a passive-aggressive bathroom gift isn’t going to deliver the wallop that you think.
They’ll just be confused. Your gift should revolve around a specific quality or memory that your recipient will immediately understand.
3. Spend a Little Money
This goes back to the idea that you don’t want your secret santa intentions to be obvious.
If you give them a cheap gag gift, they’re going to know right away that you’re being facetious.
If you give them a nice, high-quality gift, however, they’ll wonder if it’s real.
Did you have good intentions? Are they reading too much into it? That state of bewilderment is exactly where you want to leave them.